Breaking Free – Published July 5, 2017
Celebrating independence these past few days, I have reflected on the word “freedom”. Realized, perhaps we all might be cheating ourselves from the FULL benefit of what it means to be free. What are we doing with our “personal” freedom? And, what should personal freedom look like? It should begin, from within.
This week I thought of Eleanor Roosevelt, one of my favorite historical figures. She is a true role model reflecting the “freedom” I am referring to in this writing. Not knowing her past one would think she lived a perfect, flawless, challenge free life. This is not the case. Both her parents and one of her brothers passed away when she was still a child. Her marriage to Franklin Roosevelt, serving two Presidential terms, was difficult including common knowledge of his infidelity. She also had to contend relationally with his controlling family. Her success, however, is the result of living personal freedom. She did not allow herself to be defined by early life circumstances, past failures, or judgments and opinions of others. If Eleanor accepted the tragedies and challenges in her life to define her, she never would have been the confident and influential voice for equality (women, race, refugees, youth) during her tenor as First Lady, 1933-1945. One of my favorite Eleanor quotes, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”, is spoken from the harsh realities she had to endure, rising above negative interferences. She didn’t allow others to influence the trajectory of her life. When she passed away in 1962, she was renown as one of the most powerful and admired women of her time. Acknowledged again in 1999, she ranked 9th in Gallup’s List of Most Widely Admired People of the 20th Century.
The message from Eleanor’s life is about accepting and embracing personal freedoms. When we choose to be defined by circumstances and the condeming judgment of others, we actually forfeit our freedom while residing in a country that’s all about “let freedom reign.” Ironic, isn’t it! It’s like living in a country that is founded on freedom but we say, “no thanks!” and voluntarily we give it up.
How do we make this change, from within?
- Know and act on what is important to you. Guard your beliefs and respect the beliefs of others. “If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.” Alexander Hamilton, First Us Secretary Of The Treasury, 1780–1804
- Determine your own dreams and the plan to get you there. Don’t be swayed by the passions and dreams of others in exchange of your own. Frances Chan in his book Crazy Love notes; “Oswald Chambers writes, ‘Never make a principle out of your experience; let God be as original with other people as He is with you.’ To that I would add, ‘Be careful not to turn others’ lives into the mold for your own.’ Allow God to be as creative with you as he is with each of us.”
- Don’t judge or label others and don’t accept judgement and labels on yourself. Be the change! “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” Eleanor Roosevelt, 1884-1962
- Personal freedom is for everyone. Be this champion to yourself and others. Freedom is tolerance, which means being able to co-exist peacefully and with respect when beliefs and opinions differ NOT when they are the same. “One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes… and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.” Eleanor Roosevelt, 1884-1962
- Use past tragedies, failures, and tough circumstances (beyond our control) as a bend, not end, in life. With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. Eleanor Roosevelt, 1884-1962
Personal freedom is not up for vote. It is our God given right. Faith gives me the confidence to know that my life, my beliefs, my choices are truly between me and God, the only one of whom I choose to give reverence. Breaking free is enjoying the benefits of personal freedom, which takes practice. Don’t cheat yourself from experiencing the full spectrum of YOU and don’t cheat others, either! Live personal freedom, and, let others live this freedom, too.
Father’s Day Tribute – Published June 17, 2017
Celebrating Father’s Day is remembering all those who commit to selflessly and positively parent and influence children with unconditional love and patience. It’s having the best interest of the child, always. It’s being an encourager, equipper, protector and provider. It’s leading with strong morals and values in a way that is contagious to everyone in the family. It’s also extending that hand of strength to offer support in times of weakness and inspiring courage when needed. Being a father covers all those who fill these mighty shoes, caring for children who are also not their own, double duty dads and moms, too. The leadership of a “father” guides the young to be the best possible person, to be successful in tangible and intangible ways, through honest living, loving and caring hearts, which someday will lead and inspire others. Being a father is not about being perfect but it is about doing one’s best to, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
The picture on this blog shows two incredible men in my life who are this kind of father; my husband and my own dad. The little boy, our son who is now almost 25 years old, already reflects attributes that someday will make him an awesome father. In our home we celebrate the amazing father my husband is and has been raising our son, parenting and being a role model of how to live life well; in faith by word and action, committed, loving, always available, forgiving, charitable when no one is watching and with a dose (and sometimes BIG dose) of humor. We have good memories! I’ve been doubly blessed because my dad was this kind of father to me, too. When I reflect back on my life, it was filled with faith and love. As the years have passed, I see so much of my dad in my own mannerisms and habits, even some compulsive responses like being sure to pick that smallest strand of thread off the floor, turn in that $1 found at the store and helping someone who needs it. These habitual responses keep my dad’s spirit close to my heart always, since he passed away 11 ½ years ago. He was a social guy knowing many people in his community, a man of faith, determination, hardworking, honest and strong. He, along with my mom, made every Grandparents Day at my son’s school, even though it was a 1 hour commute each way and at times he was not feeling well. One of my favorite childhood memories is when he took my twin sister, cousin and me downtown San Francisco to the kids rides on the roof of the old Emporium. He then had us pick out stuffed animals at a local store. Three little girls for a day in San Francisco…this is a man of strength, patience and tenderness!
Life is not perfect nor is there a PERFECT father. But, a father who strives to do the best for his family and others, who leads with humility and lives with integrity…Happy Father’s Day!! And, a special Father’s Day acknowledgement to all those who serve our country, who most likely are not with their families this coming weekend, and who have chosen a life of sacrifice – the cost for our freedom. Thank you!!
Who Am I Really? – Published June 8, 2017
In 2005 and 2006 I was invited by National Charity League (NCL) to speak to junior high and high school girls. The presentation I gave is titled, Self-Portrait – Caricature or Masterpiece, to inspire pre-teens and teenagers to think about the person they want to be. Kids are out for summer and this is a good opportunity for girls and boys to be proactive in shaping their moral character as well as identifying tangible, realistic short and long term goals, with a plan (map) for achievement. A discussion with your child will hopefully prevent being easily influenced by negative peer pressure, morphing into ideals, beliefs, and actions that are not true to them. By the way, this is also a great adult exercise, too!!
Caricature or masterpiece is an accurate illustration of where we find ourselves in life. It’s so easy to be swayed, yet, everyone can take proactive steps to be a leader of one’s own life, with a design that takes considerable thought and careful planning. Seeking to live this out, I find this scripture verse articulates well…“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2 NLT
In the context of shaping moral character and identifying goals, below are definitions to reflect on.
Caricature –A quick sketch created and shaped by current popular consensus that lacks depth and detail. We easily become like those with whom we associate, becoming a mere reflection that takes little effort and we can easily disappear among the masses with no lasting impact. It’s comical in nature with a head that dominates the body like ego controls the soul.
Masterpiece – This is a well-planned and thoughtful work of art that has complexity and strength. It’s a unique illustration with imperfections, which contributes to its place in this world. A masterpiece is all about the “difference”, which makes it unique among other works of art. Our perfection is impossible but progress, especially using our mistakes as opportunities for positive change, contributes to the best masterpiece!!
Some questions to get started…
What character traits are important to me? Internet search character traits to review lists that can help identify those traits you can own. Here are a few to consider: honesty, positive outlook, generous, kind, helpful, patient, self-control, loving, considerate, compassionate, forgiving, courageous, calm, coachable, wise, etc.
What make me unique? List hobbies, sports, academic skills, leadership qualities, service to others, artistic abilities, humorous, serious thinker or social personality as well as likes and dislikes, etc.
Who do I want to be? Describe, ideally, the person you desire to be. What character traits do you already have that reflects this person and which traits do you need to work on?
My realistic goals for this year? Achievable goals. What help will be needed and identify those who can. What habits support this goal and what habits do not support this goal?
My long term goals and requirements/plan (map) to achieve these goals? Create a timeline map and also identify people to assist, if needed, to achieve these goals.
Who is my center of influence? This is a wise person in your life who guides and encourages along the way, enabling connections that support your goals and in knowing your plan, holds you accountable to it.
If you don’t know where you are going, it’s so easy to be on the path to someone else’s dreams or swept away from your own by the negative influence of others. In life you have to choose who you want to be, and then work towards being this person, surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals. Below are some inspirational quotes. Mother Teresa’s motivating poem, Do Good Anyway, is excellent as well. Whether a summer plan for teenagers or a refresher for adults…be prepared, plan your next steps and take charge of the change you want to see in yourself and in the life you are living!!
“Change your thoughts, and you change your world.” Norman Vincent Peale (1898-1993)
“I didn’t work hard to compete and to be better than the other kids as much as I wanted to be the very best I could-for me.” Dr. Ben Carson
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)
Do Good Anyway, Mother Teresa
Dogs On My Mind!! – Published June 6, 2017
Dogs are on my mind after watching the movie, A Dog’s Purpose, last night!
Love animals! My husband and I have had 3 dogs throughout our marriage. Our family loved and enjoyed each one; their distinct personalities, loving hearts, and eagerness to please. Dogs need love and interaction just like people. In our home, they are part of the family and our number one priority as pet owners is to always make decisions that are in the best interest of the dog.
There is so much that can be shared about pet care. This blog will discuss just two ideas; litter box training and summer socializing.
The first winter in Colorado, we were hit with a polar vortex, which for 3 weeks brought temps with wind-chill below 0 and on some days as low as -25. Moving from California, our bodies were not quite prepared for extreme frigid temps. Taking Marlee, our Coton de Tulear (small breed), outside for potty at 7 AM and late PM, wasn’t ideal for her, my husband or me. Bundling up in thick layers was also a hassle for all of us! This inconvenience led to thoughts about litter box training. Marlee was already 1½ years old and we realized our best efforts to teach an old dog a new trick (retraining) may not work. One morning, watching Marlee tip over to her side from cold elements and layers of clothing was motivation to give litter box training a try. SUCCESS!
This is how it worked for us. First, we purchased faux grass at Lowe’s (LINK), the realistic looking type so Marlee would take to it. We also purchased 2 each large plastic washing machine trays (LINK) . Each tray was filled with Scoop Away Multi-Cat Litter (recommended by a friend who has a cat) 42 lb bag available at Costco. The trays were placed in our storage room. In the afternoon when Marlee did her potty outside, we immediately swiped the soiled area with a cloth to then wipe the faux grass with her scent. We also took her poop and placed it on the faux grass. Creating her scent on the trays is important. That night we brought Marlee to the storage room instead of outside. She walked around for a while and eventually did potty on the faux grass. PRAISE!! Treats!! We repeated this process the next morning and, like potty training all over again, timed potty visits throughout the day. After a month, we removed the faux grass because the plastic grass retains odor, even with frequent cleaning! The cat litter was absorbing her scent and Marlee, during the month, was getting used to the cat litter scent. Win/Win!! At first, she ran out the door when she saw the grass replaced with sand. Brought her back, closed the door and said, “potty”! She eventually did. Throughout that cold winter, what a relief to be protected from low temps as Marlee took care of business in a warm home. We have thoroughly enjoyed 2½ years of success along with peace of mind that as long as the door to the storage room is open, she uses her potty, on her own. This means we can be away from home throughout the day and Marlee is self-sufficient. Doggy litter is available in stores (although we still use cat litter) and dog litter containers are available as well. This is a great idea for dogs who live in high rise condos and apartments. Internet search and you can view all available options, read reviews, watch videos and tips for male dogs so they don’t spray outside the box! We have a small stainless steel garbage container for disposal that keeps the room sanitary and odor free. Speaking from experience, a doggy litter box is the BEST decision for Marlee and me!! Two of my neighbors have tried litter box training. The Chihuahua, seen in the photo, was not successful. The mini golden doodle puppy, not shown, loves her potty box!
A dog-walking group is another great idea. When we first moved to Colorado, we didn’t know anyone and many people were walking their dogs, alone. In California we had a dog-walking group, a great way to socialize with neighbors and for our pets to walk with other dogs without having to visit a dog park. Within a few weeks of our move, I created this flyer (Dog Walkers Group Flyer) emailed to CO neighbors who live within a 2-block radius of our home. The neighborhood has an excellent directory with a section titled, Meet Your Neighbors, organized by street name including an email address listing. Printed flyers were placed in mailboxes for homes where emails were not listed. About a handful+ of neighbors responded. Marlee was able to meet other dogs and this turned out to be an awesome way to meet new friends for both of us. We continue to enjoy walking together and it’s been 3 years! Dogs need socialization. It’s healthy for them. This idea works very well for new puppies, too, learning social skills and how to be leashed. The Dog Walkers Group Flyer is in a WORD format so you can easily edit and use for your own neighborhood! Age appropriate, kids home for the summer can walk family dog(s) with other neighborhood kids and their dogs, connecting and socializing as well. Happy walking!!
The movie my husband and I watched last night is a reminder that our furry friends need loving care, protection, and social interaction. If you don’t have a pet, share this blog with those you know, who do. Be it litter box training and/or starting a dog-walking group, the lives of both dog and human can be positively transformed!
BE The Difference For Change – Published May, 25, 2017
On Sunday, May 28th, I’ll be celebrating my 56th birthday, which is a special time to also reflect on the year that passed and enthusiastically look forward to the year ahead.
Birthdays, for me, are like rushing streams of water. Every year my goal is to change, seek transformation and be different than I was the previous year. It’s time for honest introspection to answer the question, “What can I do differently to be a better person, building confidence to be comfortable in my own skin, beliefs and views while allowing others the same?” There is great movement in this question, like rushing streams of water!!
Reflecting on this past year I am able to assess what I loved, what I didn’t like, and how I might have responded differently. A good place to start…”Change your thoughts, and you change your world.” by Norman Vincent Peale. This assessment includes how to modify attitude, build faith, and strengthen patience to experience spiritual and personal growth including a 20/20 view of healthy boundaries that might have been missing. Living faith is my lifeline of peace and hope regardless of circumstances but it is so easy to get distracted and fall away from being Christ centered. In fact, it’s a slippery slope. The Prayer of Examen, a St. Ignatius Jesuit daily discipline, is a great tool for self-evaluation. Attached is a copy that has been edited to include “year”. This discipline helps me evaluate when I have included Christ and when I might have left Him out. It’s a discipline that keeps me focused and inspires gratefulness and forgiveness, both, which are forward motion attributes for a joy-filled life.
Well…what did I learn this past year? This has been a challenging 12 months and the following are my takeaways to lead me in to my 57th year.
- Sometimes not even the best decisions made through wise consideration and best judgment, at the time, turn out well. Give priority to first impressions and gut instincts (that still small voice), which often prove after the fact to be God’s shield of protection.
- Living in the present is like a layer of insulation from past regrets and future angst, allowing for a fully lived life. Be proactive and loosen the grip on what cannot be changed as well as those future expectations, often from others that are impossible to control. This is what faith is all about and what trust is made of!
- Keep moving even when unexpected curve balls in life appear and have us running for cover! BE the rushing river where living thrives! Standing still leads to stagnant toxic waters, which can breed resentment, bitterness, and disease.
- Be the difference for change. Lead by example – word and actions.
- Healthy boundaries are a must! It’s the gift-wrapping for self-respect and thriving relationships!
I’m not perfect and will never be. But, pursuing growth is a worthy goal for change. Just as a river changes course gradually, life transformation is a process. All circumstances this past year helped shape me to be more compassionate, forgiving, patient, confident and far more certain of who I am. For this, I am most grateful! Looking ahead to an ambitious journey that takes unexpected twists and turns and runs over many rocks at a speed that might sometimes feel out of control is far better than stagnant standing waters. Be the difference, embrace change and enjoy the ride!
The Daily Word November 2005
“Letting go and letting God, I soar to new heights of discovery. I am delighted when a butterfly rests on my shoulder for a few seconds. Yet I feel exhilarated when the butterfly takes flight and goes about being the beautiful creature that God created it to be. Like the butterfly, I was created by God to experience life and to bring my own beauty and purpose to life. Knowing this, I let go of the thought that any seeming limitation could hold me back from being the magnificent person God created me to be. I let the truth of who I am inspire me so that I soar to new heights of discovery. Is it a new career, friendship, or home that awaits me? Whatever it is, I am drawn to those experiences that bring out the best in me and prove to be the best choices I can make. I let go and let God. Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.
Mom’s Day – Through the Rearview Mirror – Published May 16th, 2017
This past Sunday, Mother’s Day was celebrated with great appreciation! It’s that time of year moms are recognized for their selflessness and unconditional love. It’s also a time when I celebrate the gift of life – the birth of my son – making me a mom.
On Mother’s Day I posted this message on Facebook.
“Happy Mother’s Day to first time, longtime and single moms and those who are moms to nieces, nephews and children of dear friends as it often takes a village to raise a child well!! Happy Mom’s Day to grand and great-grandmothers whose wisdom inspires future generations! Happy Mom’s Day to foster moms and those who advocate for children in need of love and provision. Happy Mom’s day to dads who also cover the role of “mom” to raise their kids in the best way possible. Celebrating Mother’s Day is recognizing unconditional love, ongoing encouragement and commitment along with steadfast faith for children to be the best that they can be throughout their lives. We celebrate you today!! May your day be blessed!”
Mother’s Day covers a grouping of “moms”. You know your place in this esteemed class.
I am grateful to have been raised in a community where many of my mom’s friends and relatives watched over, disciplined and guided with wisdom, when needed, all kids. It was back in the day when a friend’s home was an extension of our own. It was not uncommon to have an extra seat at the dinner table for a friend, at our house or theirs. Relatives often lived on the same block, extended-family-parenting as if nieces, nephews and cousins were their very own. The teachers and nuns at the Catholic school we attended cared deeply for each student, “moms” to all of us. Neighborhood streets filled with kids playing outside. Playground resourcefulness led to disputes successfully settled (great problem solving exercise!) and only when necessary did adults get involved, not always the parents of the kids in conflict. The city block resembled one “big” family! It does take a village to raise children well!
“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” NLT, Proverbs 22:6 Reading this verse, my amazing mom comes to mind. To this day she inspires me, feeling her love and witnessing her unwavering faith and perseverance. I also fondly recall my grandmothers, each who role model different attributes that shape the mother I am today. A group of other moms come to mind whose care and involvement in that old San Francisco neighborhood have left positive and heartfelt lasting impressions.
How was my Mother’s Day? The day was blessed, love-filled, quiet and comfortable. Phone calls and text messages completed the early morning hours, well wishes with out-of-state family, including the first call with my mom. Fragrant roses from my husband as well as a beautiful bouquet and humorous card from my son made me feel loved and appreciated. My husband prepared the dinner side dish and set the table. Our son planned the entree, a delightful broiled parmesan-coated halibut. I was able to relax with our dog, Marlee, while enjoying a buttery Chardonnay. Pampered and joy-filled!! The precious bond we share today is a result of both perfect and imperfect years, bringing us to this wonderful season in our life!
This past Sunday was a beautiful celebration of my role as mother and the many faces of motherly love throughout life; my mom, grandmothers, extended family and longtime friends. Mother’s Day especially triggers the incredible memory of giving birth to my precious baby boy, holding him for the first time…excited about our future together. Each year this national holiday offers the occasion to look through the rearview mirror at our own “mom” role and at all “moms” who shape young lives. It is a day to acknowledge with gratefulness the gift of commitment, self-sacrifice, discipline through the lens of unconditional love and the most compassionate of hearts needed to successfully raise the next generation of children.
Whenever I have a paper grocery list I lose it somewhere between shopping isles. Then, my only option is going up and down every isle, which, leads to buying what I don’t need and forgetting those urgent items that brought me to the store in the first place!! I tried using mobile phone NOTES. FAIL. While holding the phone and shopping, the listed items often disappeared, inadvertently deleted from NOTES, presenting the same problem as losing a paper list.
Desperately searching for a solution, I went to the cell phone App Store. A number of grocery options, to my surprise! Selected List Ease. Such a simple modification has made a huge difference in my shopping experience; time saved and in purchases needed. Unwanted duplicate items in my pantry – NO MORE.
There are many grocery apps to select from and you can do an online search of the top 10. List Ease is the one I use and this is what I love about the app:
- Free app! 4 ½ star rated by 634 users.
- Includes Grocery List, Pantry Inventory and Coupons.
- Efficiency at its best when I can view Pantry Inventory and easily move items to the Grocery List. Or, as I run out of items through the week, add to the app grocery list, if not already pantry listed.
- Organizing the grocery list by standard or customized category (grocery section) makes shopping so easy. Time saver!!
- Awesome realtime feature to check off items as I shop, either deleting one time buys or moving items back to Pantry Inventory. Eliminates the clutter of grocery list items that are already in the cart.
- LOVE that I can create custom categories such as Costco or Sam’s for bulk purchases or holiday event planning, i.e. Christmas Dinner and save the list for the following year. Stores carry different family favorites so good idea to create categories by store name.
- Add your holiday shopping or birthday GIFT list as a category. Big benefit as a point of reference listing previous gift purchases for family and friends.
- The grocery list can be shared with others by email and printed out. My husband called on his way home and asked, “I’m heading to the store, need anything?” Emailed the list through List Ease and he knew exactly what to buy! You can also do a screen shot of the app list for a text.
- The $ symbol reveals current coupons that you can view in advance of shopping.
Some mobile apps include meal planning, recipe generated lists, To Do lists, best weekly deals, and other unique options. Know what you need and choose the best app for you.
Having an app to organize shopping is definitely Life Made Simple! Soon, you’ll wonder how you ever lived without it!
Neighborhood Summer Socials – Published April 25, 2017
May is around the corner and this is a great time to plan summer neighborhood socials!
Last year one of my neighbors shared an awesome impromptu “Come If You Can” idea. TGIF Summer Nites was born! A coordinator is ideal to remind neighbors of scheduled gatherings.
- In May, invite neighbors by flyer or email/phone (if you have contact info) to RSVP their desire to be on the guest list and a date they are willing to be a host home if a central meeting place isn’t available.
- Create your invitation template & guest list through email, Punchbowl or similar site.
- Enjoy TGIF Friday Nites throughout the summer!
In 2016 we met every other Friday at 6 PM to 8:30 PM, outdoors, except for the few times it rained. Host homes are responsible for setting up chairs, providing paper plates, napkins and disposable cups. Best to begin the week after Memorial Day and conclude the week before Labor Day as neighbors could be out-of-town around national holidays.
Simple and informal, neighbors show up if they can, bringing their own wine/beverage and an appetizer to share. We averaged 20 neighbors at each gathering, usually a different neighbor mix. It was a blast getting better acquainted and building relationships that would otherwise not have been possible. We are predominately an empty nester group. This is, however, a great idea for family neighborhoods to include children.
There are many great reasons to invest time in your neighborhood; social outlet, support, safety and creating a sense of community, just to name a few.
Make life simple and explore this summer idea to modify how you can become a well-acquainted neighborhood.